Saturday, March 13, 2010

Nobody Gets Email--How the Human Race Will Go Down

Nobody Gets Email---

Sometimes, it's best just to keep it short and simple. That's what kind of Saturday it's been...

This e-mail was from my friend..JR...who is himself, still at heart, sixteen, and boy...can I relate.

We are all going to be saying this when they pass Nancy's Health Care....Oh crap...was that today?

How Dinosaurs became extinct.
The very first "senior moment."


Friday, March 12, 2010

Sleepless in Dubai

Nobody Flashes---unless of course you are the Bin laden family and you just built the SECOND biggest building in the world, next to the FIRST one in Dubai...
Here it is: the Makkah Clock Royal Tour.
I'll be waiting for Tom Hanks to make the movie:
Sleepless in Dubai.
Is it me...or does this look like the Empire State Building with a clock and moon on top?


Thursday, March 11, 2010

Nobody Cares: China ended slavery long ago!

Nobody Cares: what a nobody thinks.

Due to the fact that last night, my wussy dog, KOKO, got so scared when it started thundering, I had to take her downstairs to babysit her shaking body, which jumped at every thunderous explosion....of course I got little sleep. So-- there will be no cohesive theme today...just some nobody thoughts.

* My husband announced that today, all the top manager women of his company were called into the main office to be encouraged to start "volunteering" their time into their communities , in the name of They will NOT be paid for this. He works for a big international company. I won't tell you which one, due to the fact that you never know who is watching...but let's just say it's as international as Wal-Mart. Why they called just the women in is anybody guess, but the women are suppose to encourage the "men" to do this too.

So, here's the question: You cannot, in many sections of our nation, graduate from high school without doing your 50 hours or so of community service. How long before every job is only secure by the hours of (unpaid) community service you can prove that you did? And why is no one reporting this?

* I had a stand-up lamp break on me yesterday...up in smoke. So, because it keeps my parakeets warm...I went out looking for a replacement. I paid $30.00 for it, at some Wal-mart store. Determined to find a decent replacement, I searched exactly 13 retail stores, which took me over four hours...for just anything that was in the same price-range. Forget it.

Now, the lamps are being made only to take those new ugly GE light bulbs. I ended up buying a cheap lamp only a 12- year old girl dreaming of Vampires would love...the old one will just have to be fixed.

*While driving around my neighborhood to these stores, I cannot tell you the very sad destruction of the area where I grew up. Huge empty lots where Ford plants once airport with runways ready for the space shuttle, and no traffic but AIR FORCE ONE, and by the way, the President, who was in town yesterday...just HAD to make his running to downtown after his speech in St. Charles, MO, right in the middle of evening rush hour traffic, closing down the whole city for over 2 hours. He could have delayed just an hour and saved a lot of heartache for everyone...but no.

*Lots of teachers are going to be laid off in Kansas City, and lots of schools to be closed. Frankly, I don't feel sorry for them, because, unlike the private sector, they (all of them) will STILL get a paycheck, for not working. I bet some of them are really excited about that, and will be taking trips to Hawaii.

*It was reported that the rich got REALLY rich last year. Buffet put his money in GE, and will soon be the richest man, knocking out everyone...give him a few years. As for the rich, who else thinks like me that there are going to be a only a handful of already rich billionaires who will get money (6 billion to start) to take over NASA? Wouldn't you like to see who's going to profit off that dismantling of one of our most proudest institutions? And will stock be sold? And are any of them on the board of the Federal Reserve? Goldman Sachs? White House?

*Can you tell me why the countries that support Islam, (like Saudi Arabia) are not talked about much? What's worse...Islam or Communism? Shouldn't we be talking more about this girls?

*Which leads me to this absurdity: on my Dave Barry Calendar, on the back of his witty daily an extra...fact or puzzle. On yesterday's page was this fact:

On this date in history....1910, March 10, China ends slavery.

Pass the peanuts.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Nobody Knows What a Tickle Can Do

Nobody Knows exactly what happened to former Rep. Eric (Mr. Tickles) Massa, yesterday, when he went onto the Glenn Beck Program to repeat his testimony...the very damning testimony that he had been giving for days about how the President's 'thugs' were forcing him out...and how he knew the whole United States would go down with the passage of the health Care system, and how horribly corrupt the whole system was..
Everyone heard it. It was like a thunderbolt struck at the heart of the Godfather himself. (Remember, if you will, the scene of the Senate hearings in the movie.)

BUT...once in front of Glenn Beck, we saw...just what a man can do once he sees his brother...or maybe his lover...standing next to Barney Frank.

Glenn: So, what do you want to tell the public...go ahead.

Massa: I was just tickling ya! In fact, I apologize to Rahm Emanuel. He really loves his kids! I am guilty. God...I'm guilty of the crime of tickling. Look, I have cancer. It is my decision to resign and mine alone to step down. See this giant x-ray...why...I HAVE CANCER! We progressives (and everyone else) just have to stop this communists, and Mafia.

Look-- here are some proof pictures that Navy guys actually LOVE To have giggle parties ..all the Navy guys do this. But--- I shouldn't have told that guy that I'd rather %&*$ him...instead of that bridesmaid. And he attacked me because I'm old, you know, everyone picks on the old guys.
Glenn: So you're saying that the shower scene never happened?
Massa: happened, but it didn't bother me! no. There is no such thing as Mafia...I was just kidding you see? Ahhhhhh...who told you that? I just made that up! Rahm does that all the time...everyone does it. Rahm is always going around in the showers and poking his fingers at everyone...he just does fact, I heard that's how he lost that middle know...someone didn't take it so well...but, I just have to get out...with this cancer and all...I'm through with tickling.

Glenn: Is that your lover standing back there with your wife? Is that your brother? Have you been threatened in any way?
Massa: No...I've never seen that man before.

Glenn--- to audience: I have just wasted your time.

Massa: Hey, can I go now? Back to my cancer? You know, we all need to get out and vote...


Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Nobody's Perfect: Stephen King

Nobody's Perfect: Stephen King---yes, he's the best. No one has sliced up the people of New England with more entertaining finesse than the master...the consummate road hash of gore.
Mr. English teacher turned millionaire, has not only given many of us the hangover mornings of waking, after watching one of his movies or reading his books, to visions of someone hacking off our innocent heads with a dull hatchet. He has taken the bad moons of many perfectly happy minds and sucked them into his own little world of derangement, obviously enjoying every rock- and- roll minute of it.
And if that is not enough for one human being, he seems to have the capability of not even having to bother with "planning" any book. He has mastered his craft so incredibly well, that he just sits down, turns up his rock music, and voila' all comes out with a "So punk...are you felling lucky today?" ease.
But...he's not perfect.
In his latest novel, Under the Dome, Stephen has put a town under a big surreal dome...(I won't spoil it for you) cut off from the world. He covers many a--you better get your batteries and generator- moment in education. But, a novel you would think would be a preachy one about global warming turns out to be a book mostly on....the manipulation of power.
Yes, Stephen shows us the pure horror of the evil politician here, and hides him in the mantle of religion. When it comes to the "games" that the powerful plays, Stephen gets them all right. He is...right on the "get your greenback-hand give me your life, money."
In the novel...the town bully kingpin, Rennie, is trying to "fry" the good guy, ---a decorated soldier of the Iraq war named, Barbie. (After all, a crisis is too good to waste.)
In one scene, in order to grasp hold of complete power of the town, Big Jim Rennie "stages" a riot. He has a guy throw a rock at one of his own deputies, and blames it on Barbie. He rattles off the realistic power play of always having a guy in front taking all the blame while the real killer give the orders. He pretends to be "caring" about the people of his town, when the only thing he cares about is the vast fortune he gets from manufacturing drugs. In the end, he ends up destroying just about everyone.
So, what' s wrong with that?
Well, in any good book, since the beginning of time, you have your villain and your hero. Most of the time, it's black and white. And there is truth in that. Sometimes in life, it is that simple, and Stephen gets it, always has.
But, in the book, as many artists will do, he cannot help but glorify our current President...Obama, because, well he's just so intelligent you know.
So, if you are not a huge supporter of Obama, and see the power plays that he is making every day, you cannot help but wonder to yourself, how can a man, a keen observer of human nature, not see the black and white fact that both parties are ruled by men of the megalomaniac proportions?
What world is he living in?
Stephen sees the Bushes as Evil, and the Obama's of the world as...just peachy
Stephen does not see the big picture. That evil and the hunger for power is in all men...not just the ones who have ties to pickup trucks.
I've tried to solve this strange dichotomy in my mind...all I can come up with is that:
1. He's has spent his whole world in school...the world of universities is the world of the left. They are liberal, and because they are well "read" they consider themselves superiorly educated. They think everyone without a degree is...stupid.
2. He has done waaaaaay to many drugs, and reads mostly...fiction.
3. He was abused as a child by a banjo-playing deliverance guy...
4. Combination of all of the above.
In the end, if you ever read anything by him, you can't help but know, he truly loves people, and America...and killing people for fun to entertain.
And we are all richer for it.
Nevertheless...this nobody thinks Stephen King lives in his own bubble, his own dome of a liberal Northeasterner, surrounded by the sweet autumn leaves security of being the KING at the top.
And may I say, just like George W. Bush, he's not exactly the best...talker. Stephen has been known to put his foot in his mouth more than once.
Someday, maybe, he'll come out from under that dome, and breath the fresh air...of enlightenment. And if he doesn't...we all still love him, after all, he will NEVER, EVER need a stimulus bailout of any kind.
Besides, he's a Red Sox Fan, which means something...I think...I'm sure..uh....
By the way, Under the Dome...great read. Hope they make it in 3-D. I don't think they've sliced a human being in half in 3-D yet...and when they do-- I will close my eyes..and probably peek.
Stephen King...will get his revenge.


Monday, March 08, 2010

Nobody Flashes Bentley

Nobody Flashes:
DARN! I found out too late that this was "international women's day" which means I could have RACED my Bentley at 180 MPH down my local highway and if I had been stopped by my "internationally accredited" local police, they could NOT have given me a ticket!
Not today....darn.
(Nobody Makes this Stuff Up)


Nobody's Opinion: The Oscars Come Back

Nobody's Opinion:
The Oscars...
The one tradition in America where people can take a night out of their daily lives and dream of...seeing George Clooney get unmercifully razed.
And Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, did a fabulous job at giving Clooney trouble, along with the rest of Hollywood...thanks guys!
Frankly, I cannot imagine why George Clooney 's movie was even nominated. It was filmed here in St. Louis, and I THOUGHT of trying out for an extra just so I could get close enough to him to tell him what an idiot he was. Good heart maybe--- good looking if you like that sort of "I'm an Italian stud farm, smell my brown lies...I mean eyes" sort of look...but by all idiot.
(Which is why he will probably run for office soon.)
Steve and Alec, (along with some great joke writing) gave the Oscars an effortless night, in the old tradition of Johnny Carson. Instead of the "look at me, I'm the whole show-ness" of a Whoopi Goldberg, they brought the Oscars back last night to a more traditional feel. They even had an orchestra!
Compare their (Steve and Alex) performance to Tina Fey and Robbert Downey Jr. They were TRYING to be funny...but manage to blow it completely. After their little monologue I was going, "Huh? What did they say?"
The same with Ben Stiller.
I'm sorry. I grew up on the SNL genius of Steve Martin....Bin Steller is just not funny. He has to dress up in silly costumes to get laughs. And Steve's movies are much more brilliantly written than Ben's. The difference between the two comedians is like much like a five-year-old telling a joke to Bill Cosby---on his day off.
(When Ben was standing there in that AVATAR costume I was looking for a big green HOOK..)
I'm sorry to say, the younger generation has been dumbed down to fart jokes, and sex jokes. It takes true intelligence to make a funny picture with some meaning behind it, and not have some guy depending on a whole table of half-an-hour flatulence.
(That's just my Nobody's Opinion)
That's why Alex is very lucky to hook up with Steve. If Tina Fey had been the "other guy" Alex would have failed miserably.
Now, I admit. Ever since Alex Baldwin called his daughter a pig...I have not been a big fan. On the other hand...whoever released that private call to the world is just as guilty. Right now, I like to watch him...much as someone likes to watch a plane crash.
As far as the rest of the show was concerned...what can you do with an award show? It's bound, by it's very nature, to get a little boring. I actually thought it was pretty fair, considering that everyone was saying Avatar didn't win because no one in Hollywood like James Cameron.
So much in fact that they gave his x-wife a lot of Oscars! Even by that war hater Barbara Streisand. Wow. What did Jim do?---Did they all wake up to the threatening head of a bloody alien on their pillows?
Let's fact reality. Avatar is to be seen for it's sheer beauty of the technological advances. The story, the action...was pretty much what you could see on a Sci-Fi Movie on TV. Tom Hanks HBO productions blow Avatar away in that department.
So, this time, Hollywood actually got it right.
Let's hope that the producers are smart enough to keep Steve and Alex (or Steve and whomever) for all future Oscars.
As for George...I don't think he is going to ever throw another actress into any pool ever again.