Saturday, October 10, 2009

Nobody's Has E-Mail: Ticket Taker

Nobody's Favorite E-Mail of the Week:

I got this a while back, but I kept it around, just for a laugh. It might be somebody just made it all up, but it was in the London Times...

It's a bit of fun on a Saturday just goes to show that you don't need a weatherman or a ticket taker to know which way the wind blows.. and if Obama keeps putting us all in debt, we might all be doing this some day!

The Ticket Taker

Outside the Bristol Zoo, in England, there is a parking lot for 150 cars and 8 coaches, or buses. It was manned by a very pleasant attendant with a ticket machine charging cars ?1 (about $1.40) and coaches ?5 (about $7).

This parking attendant worked there solid for all of 25 years. Then, one day, he just didn't turn up for work.

"Oh well", said Bristol Zoo Management - "we'd better phone up the City Council and get them to send a new parking attendant . . . "

"Err . . . no", said the Council, "that parking lot is your responsibility."

"Err . . . no", said Bristol Zoo Management, "the attendant was employed by the City Council, wasn't he?"

"Err . . . no!" insisted the Council.

Sitting in his villa somewhere on the coast of Spain (presumably), is a man who had been taking the parking lot fees, estimated at ?400 (about $560) per day at Bristol Zoo for the last 25 years. Assuming 7 days a week, this amounts to just over ?3.6 million ($7 million - or $280,000 every year for 25 years)!

And no one even knows his name.


Friday, October 09, 2009

The Noble Vasectomy

Nobody's Fool:
Anybody who is not a fool, and who still has a good healthy functioning of their inner freedom reproductive cycle safely intact---woke up today, and thought, upon hearing the news that President Barack Obama, had won the Nobel Peace Prize-

What a bunch of crock.

Sorry if that sounds a bit blunt, but in this case, it’s not the size of the words that count.

After all, North Korea for the whole year has been pushing out missiles aimed at the United Sates as fast as a young man in his prime at the annual Midsummer’s Night Dream bash at Hefner’s Playboy Mansion. Iran has been hustling missile sperm count as fast as Larry Flynt in the middle of a freebie day at the Bunny Ranch. Israel is on Viagra overload. And China has been arming itself at such a rapid pace, that if just one episode of Beijing Does Dallas is exploded, the rest of the world will not even have to pay to see it---Beijing will already be down our throats and we will all be gagging.

The world is not exactly in peace mode at the moment.

So just why did he get this Nobel prize?

Because while the world’s ardent love fest with military prowess has been going on, President Obama decided to give the United States a nuclear vasectomy. No longer will the evil sperm of the United States and its entire mighty nuclear arsenal ever again threaten the countries of Russia, Iran, Japan, China, or North Korea.

Communists everywhere, and the Lords of Oslo, are just so relieved. There is hope, that the great surgical skills of the peaceful Obama, will finally neuter the United States once and for all.

As he accepted the award today, he was ever-so humble. In place of his usual arrogant soliloquies, filled with his repetitiously boring self-adoring affirmations of himself…he changed his tone.

It was painful to witness, but he had to do it.

And while he said he admitted he didn’t feel he deserved it, he still managed to praise himself, reciting the cleverly spoken words of his daughter.

“Daddy you won the Nobel Peace Prize. And, it’s Bo’s birthday too.”

Mohammed can now spread the seed of Islam everywhere with Obama’s blessings---but Bo might want to stay out of the kitchen. Castration might be just around the corner.


Thursday, October 08, 2009

Nobody Flashes: Feeling "hot" yet?

Nobody Flashes; Finally...our politicians are going to protect our borders! In the old days, every immigrant coming to America was admitted at Ellis Island, and checked for diseases. It's about time they started protecting the citizens of America once again.

Don't you feel better now?

They really do love us...and to show it, they are going to check at all airports and international flights for anyone coming in the country who just looks sick. They do not want the dreaded Swine Flu, the flu that is shutting down entire schools all over the country... getting into our country!

TB, malaria, missile launchers, polio, Ebola, jihadest fanatics, dysentery, smallpox, tapeworms, Michael Moore, and all other flus, including the rare form of the deadly Mexican Rico Taco Athletic Foot Disease on the other hand, are all welcomed from anyone coming over by our borders on the south.

Congress and Barack Hussein Obama---protecting the American people.

(Nobody only made up one disease in this report...guess which one.)

Did you guess the Deadly Mexican Rico Taco Athletic Foot Rico Disease?

If you did, you're wrong.

The only flu that might not actually exist is the "swine flu."


Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Snoop, Gold, and Gunbling

Nobody Cares;
There are two questions on my mind today:
1. Gold is now going for $1,040 dollars an ounce. Everyone who has money is buying up gold, and those that have it at home are selling it. But, here's the question...Unless you keep your gold in your safe at home, who's to say that some President won't decide he is going to need "your gold" and will just come in and grasp it, much like FDR did. You might get an "IOU" but, then again, you may not.
IS IT SAFE? I don't know. You tell me.
2. Who in the world, in their wildest dreams, would give a concert in Lebanon, and then wear his little gold gun and bullet gold bling to the airport? And then when busted, come up with the explanation that it's REALLY an anti-war statement because those are bullets being taken off the market to be used around Snoop-Dog's neck.
I suppose that cute little gun is also a huge anti-gun statement too!?
You buy that? Well, neither did the officials at the Beirut airport, who took it.
I think they also took, by the looks of this picture, two of his fingers...


Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Nobody Knows the Unthinkable Plans of Joshua Ramo

Nobody Knows: I’d rather not think about it, thank you very much…but Joshua Cooper Ramo wants us all to think about it. That’s why he wrote, The Age of the Unthinkable.

So I did---I read his book. It did make me think. It also made me really mad.

Ramo tells us that a “revolution” is coming, but it’s not like our liberating, 1776, one folks. It’s a bunch of rich, global elites, working to force the United States to accept their new vision for the planet…redistribution of wealth to the hands of the few…to be redistributed to the “many.”

The most important thing you must remember while you’re reading this blueprint for their “human global revolution” is that Mr. Ramo is the managing director at Kissinger Associates. Remember that the next time you see any politicians that have been in bed with Henry Kissinger. And that just about includes all past Presidents and most of Congress.

But, let’s get to his points from his book, with a “Nobody” margin writer putting in a few remarks...remarks that I didn’t even have to think about.

The emphases on certain words are mine…not his.

Here we go---

Ramo says: This is the most exciting possible moment to be working in international affairs, to be thinking deeply about the forces now violently reordering the globe, to try to change the corporations where we worked or the communities where we live.

Nobody says: Right. Corporations will now be “owned” by the government and run by the unions…Mussolini be proud. But Mr. Ramo makes it sound so…so…fair. You can make your own hours…and volunteer to work for free to make a better world!

Are you excited about working for free? You’re not?

Ramo: Democracies are extremely chaotic and messy. They are unpredictable.

Nobody: Right. Why do you think that all our politicians and most of our big international CEO’S, not to mention, Henry Paulson, spend half of their time living in China?

They like noodles?

Or are they all learning how to transplant that wonderful, predictable communistic oligarchy here?

Ramo: Kissinger agreed with Chinese leader that the Cambridge models (democracy) were useless in reality.

Nobody: What else did Kissinger agree to? The Panama Canal?

Ramo: Believing that the triumph of democracy and capitalism is inevitable should disqualify you immediately from a serious positioning in foreign policy.

Nobody: Oh boy…that leaves out Bill Gates, but lets in bin Laden.

Ramo: A bio-attack by 2013 is inevitable.

Nobody: Well, since he admires all terrorists, communists, and murderers, he is the first one I’m going to blame, because he knew it was coming and did nothing. Actually, he is one of the architects.

Ramo’s comments on Russia’s collapse: If you were sitting on top of the empire when it fell down, you would surely be in the best place to pick up the pieces. Russia has the same men in power, and they agreed to it.

Nobody: Sounds exactly like our collapse, does it not?

Ramo: Hard power kills people: soft power seduces.

Nobody: How’s that McDonalds in The Louvre working out there, boys?

Ramo: Mash up authoritarian rule and capitalism, previously thought to be incompatible, and you get China.

Nobody: He admires and compares this wonderful new political movement to the invention of the newest and latest video games, in order to seduce all college nerds who have no clue they are being manipulated by this comparison when they are reading his book. He is using the wonderful tool of “soft” power.
Too bad there isn't a video game called "Mashing Ramo"

Ramo: The revolution under way, is largely unavoidable.

Nobody: Unless we steal your chaos, Mr. Ramo, and use it to free ourselves from your obviously evil intent.

Ramo: In Chinese philosophy and art says that the environment is far more powerful than any individual.

Nobody: Right, we must all work like slave ants for the queen bees to survive. The forest will all burn down because the weeds will just catch on fire.

Ramo: We must now master resilience. You can learn to USE the chaos, to become a complex adaptive system.

Nobody: USE THE FORCE… What…do these guys have a poker night of chaos?
Ramo: The recognition that we need a major commitment to fostering real resilience would in turn elevate ideas like national health care, construction of a better transport infrastructure, and investment in education to a new level of important. Universal health coverage makes sense not only because it is decent but because building a medical system that touches everyone in the country prepares us to better deal with the unknown.

Nobody: It took him till the end of the book to finally put in the punch line. He is saying if we don’t pass Universal Health Care, we will all die when the bio-attack hits.

It’s a “soft” threat.

Ramo: This means placing, right at the heart of our international policy, a gala of giving everyone basic survival rights, even if it means redistribution of wealth to some of the poorest and angriest most polluting, and sickest people on the planet. This change will require tremendous sacrifice.

Nobody: Right…Ramo will not sacrifice, or Obama, or any elite that happens to be at the top before the fall…just all the rest of us.

And if you don’t think that this guy is a serious enemy of America, then consider this:

Ramo: Our usual reaction to a nuclear hit needs to be augmented with an instinct of generosity and decency.

Nobody: Ramo will be deep in Kissinger’s bunker, when the rest of us are dying in our basement of radiation.

I think that’s taking the word “sacrifice” just a little too far…don’t you? It’s unthinkable to me that a man like Ramo, even exists.

Unthinkably, there are many of these men…and they mean to do the unthinkable to us all.

We’d better start thinking about that.


Monday, October 05, 2009

Nobody's Perfect: Obama: Fiddling and Faddling

Nobody's Perfect:
Barry Goldwater, US Senator, once said of Lyndon B. Johnson:
"He fiddled while Detroit burned and he faddled while men died in Vietnam."
And this week, Lyndon Barack Obama was in full...fiddle, faddle mode.
You cannot go in front of all the countries in the world, and think that the sheer omnipotence of your presence is going to bowl the world over and just give you the Olympics.
You can't go around the world and trash the country you lead, time and time again, and expect any other world leader to respect you...or take your country seriously.
You cannot refuse to talk to your top general in a war that you claim is most important to your administration, when good men are dying on the battlefield, minute by minute, because you can't make up your mind what you want to do...
And you treat their lives...carelessly.
In the meantime, you continue to act like a King, or a Lord, instead of what your are suppose to be---a President--and you recklessly spend money that hard working Americans will have to repay, along with their grandchildren. You burden your country with so much debt, it can only bring on future slavery.
And you cannot take try to change the best country in the world, and expect it to go down without a fight, just because you believe in your great ability to manipulated a good speech, and feel like you have a mission of "redistribution."
Obama had a very bad week, but, what's even worse, is that, he is so delusional at this point, he doesn't much care. He has become the dictator...
Just look at his face.
There is no more dangerous a man than one who never questions his own thoughts...and beleives in his own hype. Obama really slipped up this week. He made a fool out of himself in front of the whole world.
Forget the Olympics...that a General had to plead for an audience while men were dying is unforgivable.
President Bush, for all his faults, never put down our soldiers, or our generals.
He is now, a very weak leader. And that's not good for "free trade."
But still...Obama thinks he's perfect, and that makes him a very dangerous President.


Sunday, October 04, 2009

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Dead Heads

Nobody Reports: Dead Heads

Well, let’s talk about heads.

Why not? The world is going crazy, insane, and it seems that we have just a few heads pulling the strings of the United States and the world at the moment, even though they have long been out of office…these guys have never left.

You know the guys I’m talking about--- Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Daddy Bush, and that famous old illuminati who keeps popping up in every backdoor room…Henry Kissinger. How old are these guys? It’s creepy, but I keep thinking that the best scientists in the world are keeping them alive, just to keep drive us all to their Utopian dreams of immortality. Every time I see them, I say to myself…they NEVER age. What’s up with that?

Add Alan Greenspan to that list---the man who now calls the human race, “species” as if he is from another planet.

And he very well could be, look at him.

He really is creepy.

But, this weekend, I was listening to a man declare that Russia has finally let some people look at what remains of Hitler’s skull. It seems, they’ve had it locked up for some time, and now the truth comes out, after forensic DNA testing, that Hitler’s skull is actually a woman around 40. They think, he escaped on a boat, with some of his more intelligent advisors, and went to Brazil, where the Germans had a plot of land the size of Connecticut. There Hitler lived out his days…drinking tea, and planning his comeback.

Actually, I think it’s possible that this is actually true. Our present politicians don’t even want us to read what’s in the health care bills…you think this secrecy stuff just started?

The fact, (if it is true) that Hitler escaped, would have been just too much to handle for the generations of soldiers that came before us.

In another story about “heads” this week… one that I just found out, fits right in with the baseball playoffs. It seems somebody at ALCOR, the place where you can freeze your body, in hopes that someone someday will unfreeze you…anyway, someone there was having a bit of fun with Ted Williams’ head.

They hit the tuna can underneath it with a monkey wrench…I’m not sure why. I doubt if this is going to make much difference in the transplant, but ALCOR says the family owes them over $111,000 dollars, so let that be a warning to those who are thinking of freezing your head…pay upfront.

This is probably true, because it’s too weird to make up.

So---to pickle, or not to pickle?

It is said that the skull of Geronimo is in the Skull and Bones secret halls of rites…which is why we keep getting really neurotic, narcissistic imbeciles to run our country.

I call it…Geronimo’s revenge. They should have just let him be.

Will the “brains” of the rich and powerful be kept in big expensive biostatic museum for us all to go see someday, in the future? I hope so.

And I hope they pass out monkey wrenches at the door…

Tuna cans are pretty cheap.

(Nobody should take this stuff seriously, or you should have your head examined)