Nobody Flashes In Dirt

Nobody Flashes;

This is me tonight. I'm not feeling too spiffy. I went out tonight, and well...I felt embarrassed to even be in the same company with the people around me...I felt so inferior in every way. I put myself down for whatever, could be something I said, my nervous habit of picking at my thumb....the way I look...it happens. It's a habit I know I need to break, but my synapses fight me on it.

I try not to get this way too often, but since I do, I find it's best just to go with it...Okay, I'm pretty sad.

And when I'm sad, I use songs to comfort...sometimes songs come into my head, and that's just because I was a musician (someone actually called me a musician tonight, something I haven't heard for a long time.) for so many years. And one of my favorite songs, is on an obscure Art Garfunkel album.

If I had the time, I would sing it and post it for you..but I don't...so here are the words, it's an old folk song. It will probably be meaningless to you, but since I'm not sure just how many people who read my pieces besides a few good friends...they will certainly allow me a breather.

It's called: MARY WAS AN ONLY CHILD

Mary was an only child, nobody held her, nobody smiled.

She was born in a trailer, wretched and poor.

Yet she shown like a gem, in a five and dime store.

Mary had no friends at all, just famous faces pinned to the wall.

All of them watched her, none of them saw.

That she shown like a gem at a five and dime store.

And if you saw the stars at night, and you find them shining equally bright.

You might have seen Jesus, and I have know what you saw

For he shown like a gem in a five and dime store.

Yes he shown like a gem in a five and dime store.

I really like the last verse. I think I'll go out and visit the stars tonight. I need to look for that dime...surly he shines in some star tonight? Surly....

I'll post again Monday....in the meantime...everyone have a GREAT weekend!

Nobody Cares About Madonna's Divorce

Nobody Cares: Okay...who IS this woman? It's supposed to be Madonna, but I swear...her face has been altered so many times by plastic surgery that she doesn't even look like herself. And she has been wearing those BIG eyelashes that look like Bambi lately...pretty strange.

She's watching too much Oprah.

I mean, it was her famous pout that made her famous, and now she looks just like any other of the many blonds you see on the magazine covers...or Playboy.

Maybe they replaced the whole face, I swear, it's not her, at least in this picture.

Her whole empire is based on her looks, so there you are. I haven't listened to her records in more than a few years, so I can't comment on her music...but I doubt if it's changed. I bet it still has the disco beat.

Anyway the big news today, is that Madonna is getting a divorce from her guy Richie, because she was very upset that when she broke all those bones when she fell off her horse that her husband didn't pay more attention to her.

Now she wants to raise her kids in New York, in the country she hates. He wants to stay in London.

Personally, I think all the trouble started when she adopted that last baby boy from Africa, but you will NEVER hear them admit that. Some of these babies have emotional problems due to their early neglect and care. They have trouble "bonding." They may never bond to their adopted parents, and some can grow up to be really messed up.

That's if you're lucky. Some of them grow up to be serial killers.

Whatever happens, Madonna will have a much needed boost in her career... they will both make a lot of money of this...the magazines are already cheering.

And it's always the kids that suffer...just ask Alex Baldwin, he'll tell ya.

Get Up, Mr. President!

Nobody's Perfect: Tonight on the History Channel they had a special program about body language: how politicians are mostly judged by it, and how most of the time, elections are won by just how well the candidates can be coached to use the right gestures, make the right faces at the right times, use their voices and their speech patterns to manipulate the crowds...

Obama is a master at it. So was Bill Clinton, and so was Hitler. Master the tricks of the trade and you can be numero uno.

And as I was watching it, I kept thinking about just how terrible our President, George W. Bush, has looked for the last four years.

Too many times, he looked near tears.

If you judged him by his body language alone... something beyond great grief has happened to the man, and he now simply reads his lines, no matter what the occasion. Whether his sadness is about Laura, or the national woes...or a combination, it shows.

And it's very disheartening to this nation. It says to us that he gave up on us a long time ago.

Now...some days, he seems to be a glimpse of his old cocky self, but we have not seen too much of that old cowboy for a very long time. If you were a psychiatrist, he looks almost bi-polar.

His eyes keep saying: "Our nation is doomed." It doesn't matter what the voice is saying. When Bush says "not to panic" at this financial mess, no-one believes him because he says it so flatly.

It's like he saying, "Hey, I just deliver the messages now."

Talk about body language---do you remember the television footage several years ago, when the elder Bush broke down in Florida, while giving a speech for his son, Governor Jeb Bush? He actually collapsed from immense grief at the podium.

For an ex-President to break down and cry with such anguish, in front of the world, was the first sign to me, that something was really, really wrong.

Did he know that our country was over? Does he know about a terrorist attack coming? Was he crying because history would report that it was a Bush that caused its demise? Was it just because he'd promised Jeb he could be President someday and couldn't pull it off?

But, one thing is obvious. If you judge by his body language, President Bush simply doesn't care anymore: about us, about his legacy, about the war, about anything. You can see it in his eyes, and judge by the tsunami of verbal mistakes he makes daily just in his simple speeches.

I don't know...I feel sorry for the man.

But that pity only goes so far---because we elected him. And no matter what's going on, he should have the maturity to put a little more effort into being the President.

So here's some advise from a nobody.....

You've only got a few more months Mr. President. If you must be the last man standing...and you really feel you've been misjudged...than at least be brave enough to put up a fight.

Get up.

You're not dead yet, and neither is America.

The Lessons of Columbus

Nobody’s Opinion: Long ago, in another galaxy, when I was in first grade, the first serious thing I remember learning in class, besides don’t go into the library and look at the Egyptian book with the naked ladies, was that Christopher Columbus Day was special. It was so special, that it was an American holiday, and this was long before the ten-percent-off all mattresses at your local furniture store became the reason to celebrate it.

We learned that Columbus took great pains to build three big boats, and fill them with lots of sweaty, smelly, sailors---sailors looking for gold and a bath.

Back then, teachers taught that the discovery of America was important. Now, the discovery of the fact that two men can be mommies seems to be much more expedient to our early childhood curriculum.

But, I’m off subject here.

The Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Maria, were holy grails to us kids. We fought over who was going to get to color the picture of the Santa Maria for Miss Howard, who would hang all three class-colored ships up on the classroom wall. Those that got picked to color the Pinta, felt a bit disappointed, because it was the littlest boat on which there was, no doubt, just a bunch of grunt sucking midgets.

And if you’re little lst-grade feelings were hurt---too bad. We were not coddled if we weren’t teacher’s pet back then. What was important is that we had our first real hero besides our parents to admire: a courageous explorer named Christopher Columbus.

We were told that Columbus discovered America, in 1492.

Okay--- so our teachers twisted a few facts. He really discovered the Bahamas, Cuba, and the islands around the area. He missed America by thousands of miles. The lesson being---always consider the source, no matter who is telling you what.

The trouble is, when you’re a kid, you believe just about anything. We have a whole generation of kids who will think their purpose in the world is to work for Obama, who will give them a job as a car mechanic.

But, I’m off subject again.

Our teachers also didn’t tell us that until the day Columbus died, he always believed that he had made it to Asia---proving that, you might think you know a lot, but you don’t. (Are you listening Congress?)

Columbus was looking for gold---he took a risk, and it paid off big time.

It took Columbus only 33 days to cross the ocean…sometimes it takes me that long to understand my bank statements.

I’ve seen most of the movies made about Columbus, but I have yet to see one that followed his actual written account of his trip.

You see, when Columbus got back to Spain the first time, he wrote his patron, Lord Sanchez, a letter about his adventures, and the very first exciting thing he mentions in his letter, besides minor details on his sailing was this:

“The Inhabitants of both sexes go always naked as they were born, with the exception of some of the women, who use the covering of a leaf or small bough.”

(Translation: Columbus knew sex sells.)

“They are timid and full of fear. They continue to entertain the idea that I had descended from heaven.”

(The messiah concept ---a favorite tactic of Barack Obama.)

“Their fear was so great that they have fled in such haste at the approach of our men that the fathers forsook their children and the children their fathers.”

(When a leader can instigate great fear, they are home free.)

“As far as I have learned, every man throughout these islands is united to but one wife, with the exception of the kings and princes who were allowed to have twenty.”

(Just twenty? Was there a shortage of seashells?)

“Certain women, who dwell alone in the island Matenin, which lies next to Espanola: these latter employ themselves in no labor suitable to their own sex, for they use bows and javelins as I have already described their paramours as doing, and for defensive armor have plats of brass, of which metal they possess great abundance."

(Frankly, I don’t think any labor is suitable to the female sex.)

Think of it: Columbus ran into the first feminists, a race of women who lived on an island all alone, with only a few guys, and had a lot of BRASS…I’m speechless.

And here’s a surprise: Columbus was shocked that the “Indians” had no concept of gold and its worth.

“Thus they bartered like idiots, cotton and gold for fragments of bows, glasses, bottles, and jars, which I forbade as being unjust.”

So---Columbus, unlike all our current leaders, had a conscious. He REFUSED to steal from the people he considered inferior to him.

And that’s all I have to say about the matter---draw your own conclusions.

Oh, and Happy Columbus Day!