Saturday, November 29, 2008

Find the Point AND WIn A Poodle

Nobody's Fool: This is a test:
What do these two pictures have in common? Think very's could be a trick question:
It COULD be esoteric. It might have something with the fact that sometimes women just get really bored.
I posted these pictures to make the point, that sometimes there is no point...
NEVERTHELESS...I would never in my wildest dreams, dye a poodle to look like a Ninja Turtle.
(Yes, that's a REAL dog she's holding.)
As far as making my own hair look ridiculous...that's another matter.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Let The Dogs of Wal-Mart Have Zawahri

Nobody Wins: Well, they don’t call it black Friday for nothing…

I’m not sure what’s more depressing…Al Qaeda making its attacks on non-Muslims and Jews by going into lush hotels and slaughtering 150 innocent souls in India--or dumb American people so eager to get Wal-Marts bargains that they crush to death, in a great stampede, a young man…with no sense of remorse whatsoever.

People were actually laughing on the video while they tried to bring the poor guy back to life. What’s one more security guard in the valley of your shopping?

I was going to write something uplifting today. Some days--- you just can’t.

Also today, some madman named Zawahri challenged President Bush to send all his soldiers into Afghanistan so that the “dogs of Afghanistan have all to eat their full of the flesh of the Americans.”

He wants all Americans to embrace Islam. He is trying to start WWIII.

I came home to this gloomy news after my own Black Friday shopping. I was standing in line today, at the local mall and there was a black man in front of me buying his college bound daughters clothes…lots and lots of clothes.

I’m so glad I had a boy.

We had a wonderful conversation, and I was thinking that if there was ONE good thing about Obama being elected it’s that now the blacks will talk to the whites without hatred and suspicion, which I find almost sad, but nevertheless…it’s about time.

The turnaround is unbelievable. What’s even more incredible is that the whole Jesse Jackson, “we were slaves and all white people are prejudice” stuff went on for much too long. And it will continue---but at least the black people are treating white people with more decency.

Frankly, after the O.J. trial, most whites were getting a bit fed up with the whole thing. When all around us we saw reverse discriminations and the blacks milking the system for all they could.

And let’s admit it-- whites would have done the same …human beings are the same all over the world, when push comes to shove.

Poor people, black or white, will do just about anything for a freebie, including it seems, murder for a discounted X-Box.

It’s the richer blacks that puzzle me.

Today, I was listening to Magic Johnson, talk about how he cried when Obama was elected. He really didn’t think America was ready for a black President.

I’m having a very hard time wondering why these incredibly rich black Americans are crying as if they have suffered so. After all, they worked hard, and look where they got…to the very top! They have GOT to get over this slave thing, and start paying attention to the current-time real slave owners who not only want to enslave every American, black and white, but kill us as well--- but will they?

So, will Obama protect America? Will he protect Israel?

Do we really know? Nope.

And will the American blacks, look into the mirror and decide that they really are Americans first, not just Africans, and finally unit with the whites against a common enemy?

Or will they turn to Islam?

Yeah…tomorrow has got be a better day.

I suggest they get rid of Black Friday, or if they insist on continuing the mad rush to discounts, capture this Zawahri, hold him in jail until next year’s Black Friday, and make him open the doors to a Wal-Mart at 5.30 in the morning.

Let the dogs of Wal-Mart have him.


Thursday, November 27, 2008

Nobody Redesigns Beer Dispensers

Nobody Cares: I'm forever fascinated by the different designs that man invents to sell products...

For Instance: Here a company named Micromatic has made a beer dispenser with LCD screens, evidently made for the men who are too drunk to find the football game and the TV at the same time.

Okay, it's so they don't MISS the play, when they go to get their beer refilled, but really.

You can have your pick of six faucets or four, and brass or steel, and at the decent price of under four thousand dollars! Not bad...if you have the money, or even if you don't, our government will be proud if you go ahead and buy it.

Now-- don't mind me...I hate the taste of beer. I still think the masses of (mostly men) that down gallons of it at one sitting, like sailors who have been walking in Death Valley for days without drinking water, are missing a much needed discerning taste bud, or have some kind of genetic defeat left over from, probably German ancestry...because it does taste, somewhat like urine to me...(not that I'VE ever tasted urine you's all in my imagination) which means that the scientists that are now making urine into water might consider just making urine into beer instead, and sending up only astronauts with German ancestry...I'm just saying.

Anyway..there's another problem here. Why would anyone need six faucets as opposed to four?

If you have three guys filling up on each side of this screen, and they are BIG guys, they will probably no doubt block the view of that tiny LCD screen and the possibility of blocking an important play becomes very likely.

So, therefore, if I were designing this thing, I'd put just ONE faucet on each side, but that's me.

Anyone who loves the taste of beer is welcome to explain to this nobody, the REASON for this product..other than it's something a rich person would buy just to say he had one.

Go ahead, I'm all ears.

And while you're at it, tell me how you came to love the taste of the stuff..I'd really like to know. It's one of life's major mysteries.

Then again...I might buy it if I could put it by my bathtub and fill it with fruit punch.

Mmmmmm...I can see MY new design already...All I would need is one faucet, candles, and some bubbles....


Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Hiding the Turkey

Nobody Flashes on Thanksgiving!

As we see here, there are many birds that are smarter than the average human.

Some of them have been known to have more common sense than even Presidents! Some may even argue, we've had more than a few in office!

But this is NOT a day to think of such a fact, it's a day to tell lies to your relatives--like how much you like grandma's cranberry and marshmellow side dish, and how you make sure that she doesn't know you've hidden the stuff on your plate with a generous portion of mash potatoes which of course...somehow get mixed into the cranberry juice and you just have to bear it, and finally go clean the juice off, because well, you just can't eat gravy mixed with cranberry juice...and that gives you an excuse to get another plate for seconds...thereby saving yourself from an unbearable second helping of grandma's salad, which by that time will have been consummed by grandma herself---saving your own face once again!

So...enjoy the insane moments. They are the ones you will someday miss...

Everyone have a great Thanksgiving! And say a prayer for our troops...

God Bless them all and their families for their precious gifts of sacrifice.


Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Jack Bauer Saves Africa

Nobody Knows: The beloved conservative sitcom character, Jack Bauer, finally made his appearance last week on “24”. The wait has been torture---watching all our lame politicians yap for TWO WHOLE FRIGGIN YEARS!

I felt like Jack had me ducked taped to a chair and was interrogating me.

Jack: TELL ME! What conspiracy are you working on!”

Me: NO…No…it’s just, I can’t take it anymore! The Clintons, the Bushes, the poor staring Mexicans who just want to work! I just CANT…go ahead! Do what you have to do Jack!

For two whole hours this week, Jack Bauer saved Africa. Well, at least he saved about 16 of its orphaned children.

Oprah’d be proud.

Many believe that the popular conservative show “24” probably single-handily paved the way for Obama to become President, by having the first black President on its popular series.

All the “white” conservatives really loved Jack Bauer’s black President. He was smart, cool, honest, decent, and acted like the President we have been deprived of for so many years. In every script, of “24,” that black President was about as perfect as any President could ever be.

Too bad we didn’t elect the actor.

Not many will admit it, although a few have written about it--- but I do wonder just how much influence the black President on “24” had on Obama’s being elected?

Nobody knows, but I’d say more than you think.

Say you were, an elite ruler, and you wanted to get a black man elected, but you had to get the American conservative public ready for the idea. Why, you’d pay a scriptwriter to write a script with a great black President in it, in a show that had the biggest conservative audience. You’d get them ready and hoping for the idea.

Then, run the weakest candidate you can find against him…it’s not rocket science.

We all know liberals like to manipulate. We have seen this for years with the way show after TV show was being saturated with lesbians and gays. The three most popular women hosts are gay Ellen DeGeneres, and Oprah--who is NOT married and childless.
And now gay Rosie is coming back to us in glorious primetime.

While all three of these individuals are talented, I don’t believe for a minute that there isn’t a social “engineering” agenda going on here, do you? Do you think when they kick in the “fairness” doctrine; a straight married woman host will have a chance?

Well, you might say that the woman President that “24” now has in it, is conservative. But already, the President who is leaving the White House on the show…a man who is made out to be an uncaring, and arrogant Republican, is making way for the “tough” woman who is going to stand up to the dictators of Africa.

Could they be more transparent here? They HAVE no underwear. Not even a thong.

After watching the first two hours of “24” all I was thinking was: Okay, Obama’s main agenda is to send troops and money into Africa. He is going to use Hillary as his scapegoat attack dog.

The public WILL be ready. Jack will see to it.

While we lose our homes, our futures, and our standard of living, the--Africa is killing innocent men women and children and we should save them is going to go full throttle on all our favorite TV shows.

It’s to the point now where you can’t watch anything that doesn’t have some kind of “message” in it.

Obama has said during his campaign he is going to sent billions in aid to Africa. President Bush has. Trillions have already been sent.

If we had that money here, we could have gone to Mars, fixed up our roads, build houses for all our poor…, put air cars on the road...yeah, I know.

So…what IS it about Africa? The people in Africa just can’t seem to stop killing each other. But, every country on earth wants a piece of that continent because of its natural resources, and until there is “stability” it’s hard to get those resources.

And China now is digging in.

No, Obama wants into Africa because his corporate sponsors want into Africa. There’s big money there.

And isn’t it funny? We all knew “24” was going to have a “woman” President, but a whole season was cancelled until AFTER the elections.

Of course, that wasn’t planned…Jack got arrested, for a month… or something like that.

Just remember when you are watching “24”… Obama said he will ask us all to sacrifice…and watching Jack Bauer sacrifice his life to save poor orphaned children in Africa and bring them to the United States…is suppose to make you feel better as you watch your own country disappear.
Jack Bauer once saved America. But, it’s a new day.

Bagdad now has its first KFC, Rosie O’Donnell is back in lipstick and a mink stole, and Jack Bauer will put the final globalization of the US of A in order.

And he will do it entertaining us all.

Whatever they are paying him, it’s not enough.


Monday, November 24, 2008

Quasimodo? Or Paulson?

Nobody's Perfect: Today, it was reported secretly at the meeting that Treasury Secretary Paulson had with President Bush, in which they decided to give another trillion or more dollars to a bank called Citigroup in order to supply AIR FORCE ONE with gas next year...
That Paulson was a direct descendant of a particular famous historical figure..
Yes, I know many of you have noticed the now it's official.
Thank goodness his famous ancestor's hunchback was not passed on to Paulson, although his second cousin's brother on his grandmother's side, who married a gypsy named Pluto, had one.
Okay, so I'm kidding..but really...all I kept thinking today as I watched Paulson groveling at the side of our President was that he looked know...Quasimodo.
If he would have hunched a little more and taken his glasses off.
And just said "Master"
Or if President Bush would have taken a bell out his pocket and gave it a ring...the truth would have been exposed.
I have NO idea who the lady on the right is: but she could be his sister.
So...I would not be surprised if Paulson lives in a little tower on top of the Treasury Building across the street from the White House and swings down on a rope...what do you think?
I know...go to bed Joyanna....


Sunday, November 23, 2008

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 64-Somebody Feed the DogGone Turkey!

Nobody’s Opinion: Okay, its official. We are NOT living in America anymore. I don’t know where we are, or what Dante Hell- Hole we fell into, but when you go to buy your normal 22-pound turkey for Thanksgiving, and all you see in the stores are 13 pounders, costing you three times what the 22-pound turkey cost you last year…

It’s a bit much to handle. Come on…I have complained about this stuff before. First, they took my ear of corn off the market. (Remember, I live in the middle of corn country.) Then, for at least six months, I could not find a whole chicken to cook for my Sunday dinner. If I wanted white meat, I had to go to KFC. You could buy 10 pounds worth of thighs and wings, but, hey…where’s the meat?

And now, I have to settle for a 13- pound YOUNG turkey. What? Can’t they grow to full size anymore? Is it because the farmers found it too expensive to fatten up them wonderful butterballs because they don’t have any corn either?

They’re killing the baby turkeys!

Who’s RUNNING this country!

Okay…so the price of my Thanksgiving turkey had tripled…nevertheless, I swear, there is an office somewhere in D.C. where a bunch of economic morons sit around a table and say things like…

“We have to lower the gas prices; because now nobody is spending…that will make everyone happy. We will be losing a lot of tax revenue from the lower gas prices, so we will just RAISE the food prices and make up for our loss there, after all…they can go without gas, but they will NOT forfeit their holiday dinners.”

It happens every single time. They cut taxes here, and then just add the difference on to something else. You know it--- this happens all the time.

As I passed my local gas station today, I wanted to run home and get my camera because the gas stations are selling gas for….drum roll please…$1.30 a gallon.

Yes, just a little over a dollar, and they said we would NEVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER again in our lifetime see $1.30 for a gallon of gas again because, well, there was such a big demand in the world, and it was OPEC who controlled the prices, and let’s see…what else did they tell us…

Oh yeah---soon there will not be enough oil.

I don’t get it.

If what they say is true, then there is no way, in God’s dear heaven they could afford to LOWER the price of gas, nope, because, first off only OPEC has control…they have nothing to do with the gas prices. They aren’t talking about it much. Could it be it’s because they want us to go ….shopping?

It’s kind of the same thing where there is NO WAY they can keep sending us all big checks in the mail, calling them “stimulus” packages, if what they tell us to be true, really is true.

That is---that the United States is in debt for over 10 trillion dollars, and it’s rising with every single company they bail out. So, maybe it isn’t true? Who knows at this point?

I was thinking the other day, about how they are expecting literally millions of people to be in Washington D.C. for Obama’s inauguration. So…how much do you want to bet, the gas prices stay low until after that day, then all of a sudden there will be one boat filled with gas hijacked by the Pirates of Somalia, and .that’s what will cause our gas to go up to…$8.00 a gallon.

After everyone has seen the great Messiah’s crowning first, of course.

They are already priming us for this “reason” for the gas prices to go up, right now, on all our news stations. One boat, reported on Greta…that’s all it will take to rise the prices again.

And speaking of priming---this will go to the bailout of the auto dealers, who are already making billions in other countries selling cars, just not here. I don’t get this. If you are in over 23 countries making big profits, but you fail in one market, why do you need to be bailed out?
Oh, the unions…I forgot…I know, all this greed gets hard to follow.

Frankly, I thought the politicians making a big stink about those three CEOs of the auto industry flying in on private jets, was a magnificent example of mind manipulations, and a wonderful example of hypocrisy at its finest.

Tell me, how much does the American taxpayer pay for the transportation of our elected officials? How many of them ride in military jets, not to mention Air Force One and Air Force Two…I don’t know, but just wait till Hillary gets in office. I’ll be very surprised if Obama doesn’t build himself a new Air Force One, and give her the old one.

So, here are multibillionaires, whose whole life in public office and beyond is finance by the taxpayer, and yet, they chastise the CEO’s of major companies for flying in on private jets to ask for taxpayer’s money? Ha! Can you say…dumb and dumber?

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I saw Obama on the cover of Time dressed like FDR.

The title should have been…”They’re baaaaaaack”

I thought it was chilling, because when I think of FDR, I think of WWII, an American dictator who had 17 communists in his cabinet, (Hey, the great Ann Coulter presented that fact, which should be repeated more often.) and a whole nation working for the government, at VERY low wages.

Yes, the liberal who voted against the war, will take us into the mouth of darkness.
He might well get four terms.

I could be wrong. I hope I am.

I’m going to find a 22-pound turkey this week…after all, I might have to drive quite a ways. Good thing, gas is cheap. I refuse to eat a poor baby.

See? They know how to work the human mind…just attack the stomach.