Friday, March 07, 2008

Go Ahead---Take My Change

Nobody’s Opinion: One of my favorite stories of Jesus is the morning he gave his famous “sermon” on the mound speech. I love that speech. And what’s particularly special about it, is that it was free to the public. Imagine…one of the most spectacular lectures ever given on earth, and it was free!

Jesus was a big giver. He gave his thoughts, his time, his healing abilities, his love, and his life. The poor people everywhere flocked to him like ants to a big TollHouse chocolate-chip cookie.

And why not? He was the real deal. He was not there to rip them off, but to fill their souls with truth. The truth of justice and right, and that really, all people were equal under God, even the poor goat-herder.

All he asked in return was kindness to your fellow man---and faith. If you were low on goat’s milk that day, he didn’t think you should starve just because someone in the next town was having a hard time.

Then along came the Catholic Church, which yearly grew bigger, more expensive, more and more elaborate, and filled with more riches than any previous Roman Empire.

And like many empires before them, the Catholic Church grabbed up vast lands. They refused to let their priests marry to keep the lands in the hands of the church. The Catholic Church grew humongous and became very expensive to maintain.

Well, someone had to pay for all that extravagance, and so…the poor people were made to “tithe” at least 10 percent of their income to the church.

They used Jesus’ own words to justify this tithe.

“It is more blessed to give than to receive.”

The Church’s corruption grew so great, that it spawned Martin Luther, (not King) who brought religion back down to the people again.

Yes, give to the church. And if the guy next to you puts in a ten-dollar bill in that plate, and you can only afford fifty cents…shame on you.

Now the concept of “tithing” is being used once again, by our current soon-to-be President in sharing, Hillary Clinton’s better half, Bill.

Welcome to the new planned church of global government “titling” of the human race. The church is called, Clinton’s Global Initiative. It’s all in his new book, Giving.

Imagine---Hillary Clinton is running for President, talking about all the big profits she will take from the oil companies---talking about taking money from some and giving it to others, and her husband, the ex-President writes a book about “giving,” and no one in the world reads it.


Yes, Bill Clinton needs money. And he starts with suggesting that every single person on this planet should give their time, money, and talents to NGO organizations, most of whom work in coordination with Bill’s Clintons Global Initiative, so that that all the people of the world can be equal.

“If we all gave according to our ability, the positive impact would be staggering.” he says.

Yes, Bill is clever. Better to disguise this redistribution in the cloak of Jesus than Karl Marx.

Bill would prefer everyone to give at least 10 percent of our money to this global goal. Remember, this is after we pay all state, federal, and excise taxes.

Sure Bill---I’ll just grab my pennies from my change jar, and see what I can come up with.

He also thinks it would be nice if we spent our vacations helping ‘the disadvantaged.’

Wait---didn’t the bankers just help a whole bunch of ‘disadvantaged’?

In his chapter, “How Much Should You Give and Why?” he goes for the big bananas.

“If the top one percent simply give 5 percent of their income to meet the goals…” (The United Nation Millennium Goals, where poverty is completely abolished on the earth.)
He figures that would be $9.2 billion. “If the top 10 percent would give one percent of their incomes to the cause it would raise another $17.2 billion...” And he goes on and on with his calculator figuring it all out…and boy, it’s great.

In other words, Bill has been very busy gathering data on everyone’s wealth and figuring just how much he wants of it.

Then he goes for the poor. “Even if the gift is relatively small, millions of contributions from the other 90 percent, aided by the Internet, could equal or surpass the total giving by the wealthy Americans.”

Pay attention to that word: Americans.

Well, he’s doing pretty good getting the rich to deliver. After all, when government works with you on mandating new energy laws, companies have whole new markets opened up for them to exploit with the government’s help.

Ban the light bulb and GE’s got a whole new product.

But getting the poor, who are getting poorer, to fork up, well, that’s a bit hard.

So, all the democratic candidates are talking about mandatory community service which started under Bill Clinton’s administration. Our high school students can’t read, but they sure can pick up trash, thanks to mandated community service required for graduation.

Bill and Hillary already have schools training thousands of new public servants to be placed around the globe, mostly “minorities” paid to work for the new church of Bill Clinton’s Global Initiative.

Excuse me. Did not Jesus kick the money bags out of his local church?

Despite what they’d like you to think, Bill Clinton is not Jesus, and Hillary is no saint, and I’ll take my chances with Jesus before I “tithe” anything to Bubba and his global inching fingers.

Go ahead Bill…take my change.


Thursday, March 06, 2008

You Have Two Cows....

Nobody’s Flash of the day: This is going around the “e-mails.” Maybe you’ve seen it, maybe not. There is no claim to authorship on it, so because I have no idea who wrote it, I can’t tell you. Nevertheless…enjoy.


DEMOCRATIC; You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You fell guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.

SOCIALIST You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, You have two cows
AMERICAN You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, You have two cows.
AMERICAN Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot
STYLE one, milk the other, and then pours the mild down the drain.

AMERICAN You have two cows
CORPORATION You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up. You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

You go to lunch and drink wine. Life is good.

You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

You have two cows but you don’t know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.

You don’t milk them because you cannot touch any creature’s private parts.
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternative to milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

You have two cows
They go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their mooing.

You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

You have one cow.
The cow is schizophrenic.
Sometimes the cow thinks he’s French, other times he’s Flemish.
The Flemish cow won’t share with the French cow.
The French cow wants control of the Flemish’s cow’s milk.
The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
The cow dies happy.

You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking cow.
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can’t figure how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best looking cow.

CALIFORNIA You have millions of cows.
CORPORATION They make real California cheese.
Only five speak English.
Most are illegal’s.
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Desperate Tactics

Nobody’s Opinion: Here in “middle” America, I have some grim news---news that should be related and passed on to those “conservative” voices on all our radio stations. Marching orders were put out last week for all “conservatives” to vote for Hillary in the primaries, in order to keep her in the race.

Yes, they were asking us all to commit an excruciating and nauseating act. Go to the voting booth, register as democrats, and lie with our votes in order to serve a more noble purpose---the purpose of saving the Republican Party by putting Hillary in as the nominee.

Evidently they are scared of the great Obama.

It worked. Hillary finally won a few states. She can now go in for the kill.

Right before Tuesday’s primaries, Rush Limbaugh, Laura Ingraham, and Sean Hannity, spent major time attacking Barack, and asking conservative voters to go vote for Hillary. This morning they were absolutely gleeful with their own powerful success.

While Rush, Laura, and Sean, are completely happy to try to “force” us to elect John McCain…because John is a continuation of the current “liberal” in the White House, George W. Bush, many of us with any sense of integrity left…won’t be voting at all.

I don’t care what “scare” tactics they use, this is one election many will not attend.

Therefore, Hillary will win. No matter how much the radio conservative pundits think they can use our hatred against Hillary to get us to go vote for McCain, many already know that McCain will continue on the One-Global Party tract of “globalization,” no borders, socialism, and corporate/government fascism. Amnesty will come in the first few months.

And on top of that, John McCain seems to be an even more unstable man when it comes to starting a war. Look at him. He looks like he a walking ad for electrical shock. The man never smiles.

He has promised unending war. The pundits should know better.

Instead of sticking to the principles that conservatism was set on, ones to which they have been preaching to us for years and years, these pundits are willing to sacrifice America (that’s you and me folks) for another eight years in order not to lose the “conservative” party to which they belong.


Uh…hello? The Republican Party no longer exists. John McCain and George W. Bush are irrefutable proof. What planet are you guys on?

But, let’s say their plan works. What will we have? We’ll have another George W. Bush, who has continued to expand on the vast damage done by the Clinton administration, relentlessly working toward global corporate domination, at the expense of American sovereignty. Both parties act as willing puppets of the vast international corporate/government/banking complex.

You won’t hear any of the pundits attack that, because they work for them.

Eerily, it was during George W. Bush’s administration that cameras silently went up on every corner.

It was during George W. Bush’s term that we entered a war in the name of “National Security.” He likes that excuse so much, that he now enters trade agreements in the name of “National Security.”

If national security was really important to Bush, he would have secured our borders after 9/1l.

So, what’s with Rush? Is he so desperate he resorts to dishonesty? Using the Clintonian game plan against them is really fun? The ends justify the means?

Power is addicting?

Well, I for one am not going to go against my own conscious and vote for John McCain just because Rush Limbaugh tells me to.

Much to Rush’s lament, the Independent class is growing. Now it seems, only in the Independent class can you remain a true Patriot.

Sorry Rush, your game plan stinks. I’m not going to offend the memories of all the men who died for this country by giving into such idiotic logic because, whoever wins, it’s not going to matter.

If Hillary becomes President, she will be joined by John McCain in every Marxist rule she passes. If John becomes President, he will give into her every demand.

The past is our record.

And sorry to inform all you pundits, but the Clintons are not going away.

The United States is becoming a party-of-one, and neither party seems worth saving.

So radio pundits…start shoveling the snow, you’re digging your own ditch.

This is the time to fight for our country, like you have all been doing for years…

Not put off facing the truth in front of you.


Tuesday, March 04, 2008

America in Suspense!

Nobody Flashes: All over America today, people are glued to their television sets because two nail-biting events are going on simultaneously at the same time.

If Hillary wins Texas and Ohio, we could be $&%...

If Obama wins Texas and Ohio, we could be *%*$..

If it continues to snow, rain, hail, and tornado...we could be $*%&...

Then again...we are also being told that Russian President Putin, is having a rock concert for his "successor" which will soon be available on download to your I-Pod, along with a year's subscription to Time Magazine, including the special edition of last year's (2007) copy of "Man of the Year," who was---President Putin!

Yes, Putin no doubt will come to save us all when the time is right.

Untill then, the suspense continues!


Monday, March 03, 2008

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Are You Safe With Hillary?

Nobody’s Opinion: Its three a.m.. Hillary Clinton is President and is sleeping soundly in her bed. A phone call comes in from Homeland Security Chief, Madeline Albright, to tell Hillary that Iran has launched a nuclear attack on Israel. China simultaneously launched several nukes currently on the way to Los Angles.

But, Hillary has given strict orders that she is not to be disturbed. All calls are to be handled by her husband, Bill Clinton, who after all, was President for eight years. Besides, Bill is a regular night owl.



“Hello, this is the White House Operator; I have an emergency call for the President.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Sir, I need to talk to President Clinton.”

“You’re talking to him, sweetie.”

“No sir, I need to talk to President Hillary Clinton, sir: it’s imperative.”

“Well, I can’t wake her up. Besides, I can help you…hey, what’s your name?”

“Monica, sir.”

“You’re kidding? Well---I knew a Monica once…you don’t happen to be her cousin?

“No sir…I must put this call through sir, it’s from Albright.”

“Hey, what are you wearing?”

“Sir, its imperative I talk to the President.”

“Honey, I wouldn’t wake her up right now. Besides, she knows I can handle whatever comes in…go ahead and put Mattie on, it’s okay.”

The operator puts Albright through.

“Bill, we have a very dangerous situation. Iran has launched, China has launched. I need to talk to Hillary.”

“You know I can’t wake her, Mattie. Worse case scenario, they’re just trying to bluff us. I’ll talk to em’. I’ve been meaning to get them all over for a game of golf in Dubai….”

The phone goes dead.

Bill calls the operator.


“Hi honey, this is the President. What happened to that call?”

“I don’t know sir, the line went dead. In fact, all the lines went dead.”

“Oh, that’s probably those Republicans, trying to shut the White House down again. Well, I can sit this one out too. You know last time this happened, I had a good time with that other Monica that I knew. I’d better come down there and check it out. Now, don’t you worry honey, I’ll be there in a minute…hey…you’re not wearing a blue dress are you?”

“No sir.”

“Well then---don’t you move.”


Is it me? Or is this imaginary scenario just a little too real? Hillary’s ad in Texas last week, insinuating that if the country was in danger, we’d need her, was a real scream. Hillary claiming to have the ability to protect us from a terrorist attack is about as convincing as President Bush or John McCain saying they are going to secure our borders.

In fact, I’d believe in a fictitious Harry Potter using his wizard’s wand to protect us, before I’d believe that Hillary Clinton would even try.

Nobody’s Perfect: President Bush made the headlines last week when he was truly surprised to find out that gas was up to $4.00 a gallon. I must admit, his face looked like a calculating machine was going on in his head, perhaps running up stock dividend numbers for his portfolio. With Carl Rove gone, I bet we see more of these ‘stupid’ Bush moments in time.

Nobody Knows: Earth’s Liberation Front (ELF) set fire last night to a beavy of rich homes in Washington State. They claimed all the materials used in the home were not “green.” So…why isn’t Al Gore condemning this act of Al Gorian terror?

Nobody Cares: Evidently, Hillary, who keeps running like she’s right out of a sixties feminist playbook, doesn’t see the contradiction of holding onto her “adult” daughter’s hand every time she’s on stage.

Nobody Wins: Sheryl Crow, in this month’s Readers Digest said, “How will the record industry, which is suffering because people don’t feel they need to pay for music anymore” survive?

Sheryl, that deep thinker, does not understand that the liberal notion of “giving” everything to everyone for free is responsible for this “new” free trade market that both parties adhere to.

Free trade is a good thing---unless the government is involved in all trade agreements, then your “right” to free trade is gone.

Nobody’s Fool: I am getting so sick of this constant “American President Idol” contest, that I’m watching old “I Love Lucy” reruns. How about you? It seems to me, it’s more about getting America primed for the new communistic programs of redistribution and Universal Health Care, than an actual election.