Saturday, March 21, 2009

Nobody Flashes On a Saturday Night

Nobody Flashes on a Saturday Night

I just got this in an e-mail...(From my very LIBERAL American friend) and I just wanted to share it with everybody.

Hope you like it, as much as I did...see you on Monday!

A story with a happy ending!

This nineteen-year-old ex-cheerleader (now an Air Force Security Forces Sniper) was watching a road that led to a NATO military base when she observed a man digging by the road. She engaged the target (i.e., she shot him). Turned out he was a bomb maker for the Taliban and he was burying an IED that was to be detonated when a US patrol walked by 30 minutes later. It would have certainly killed and wounded several soldiers.

The interesting fact of this story is the shot was measured at 725 yards. She shot him as he was bent over burying the bomb. The shot went through his butt and into the bomb which detonated; he was blown to pieces. The Air Force made a motivational poster of her:

(Folks, that's a shot 25 yards longer than seven football fields!)
And the last thing that came out of his mouth..was..his ass!


Friday, March 20, 2009

Mandatory Service: Get Ready!

Nobody Wins: Upon hearing that Obama was going to be soon starting his mandatory slave labor "community service programs for all citizens" signed into law by another one of his famous "Olympic" black African American Pens...

Skippy and his brother Pippy, immediately started doing heavy exercising and heart pumping workouts in order to be ready when their President calls for their service.

And believe me---if I get a call from Obama saying that I HAVE to serve the community...I'm sending these guys in my place, they will be in much better shape.

It's the least I can do for my country.


Thursday, March 19, 2009

It's The First Day of Spring...and THAT means...


Nobody Flashes! In the mist of all this horribly bad news...let us not forget that today is the very first day of spring!

We have SO much to look forward to!


Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Put On Your Life Jacket...

Nobody Knows; Well…now you know.

As the old saying goes, it’s as plain as the nose on your face.

Here’s what they did:

They printed up a Congressional “budget” book, with so many gargantuan pages to read--- pages that if stretched out would probably equal the length of the wall of China, or if you dropped it on your foot, you’d break both legs---then gave everyone in Congress a little over 24-hours to read it because the President and Nancy Pelosi refused to give anyone any more time to even look at it….even though it was probably the most important document since our Constitution because of the horrible collapse of our whole economic system…

And they did this on purpose to give all the politicians plausible deniability of blame.

No, we didn’t read it, there wasn’t time, but I had to sign it or else the world as we know it would have ended…so said Obama. It’s wasn’t MY fault.”

This of course, now has given every politician in Washington a pass card as the government doles out the final destruction of our financial hopes and dreams.

Not our fault, says Barney Franks, it’s those horrible CEO’s.

Our thugs in Congress have committed the most horrendous crime on the citizens of America, since the country began...and they don’t want you to get mad at them for taxing you and your family into oblivion, so they got a few CEOs to take the blame.

What’s a little heat when at the end of the day you walk home with $44 million dollars?

Today, nobody is screaming about what Obama and his thugs are doing, they are screaming about AIG…and the big bonuses of Wall Street. They’ve taken your every anger cell and directed it away from the main characters.

Gee…most of the money which AIG got from us is going to….Germany? Billions and BILLIONS! (40?) More bailout money is going to Germany and foreign countries than to the United States?

But we are mad about the AIG CEOs getting paid…$163 million?

And this is why they needed the US taxpayer to bail out the banks?

Germany? Will we get free beer?

Obama today said, gee folks, I just learned about these bonuses on Thursday. He was just so busy playing basketball and setting up the next Wednesday night White House party.

Oh…so I guess Obama did not see the article in Vanity Fair…you know, the March issue where he is on the cover and his WHOLE CABINET got their historical pictures taken by the great, but now mansion poor, Annie Leibovitz? Guess not.

And since he did not want to see that picture of himself on the cover, then he missed the article which listed who got bonuses at AIG, and was going to get them.

It was laid out there in plain English.

Oh wait….Obama only reads a teleprompter.

If Vanity Fair had all the statistics, why didn’t the White House? Gee…every single person working for Obama had their picture in that magazine…you would have thought someone in his cabinet would have read the article about Wall Street Bonuses?

I mean, it’s not like CEO’s grabbing big bailout bonuses is anything new.

Today, the CEO of AIG appeared before Congress to say that he will “ask” all the people who got bonuses to give half of the money back. He’ll ask…how nice of him. And somehow bonuses have morphed into salaries.

Just rename them. Ya gotta love it.

And gee, what a coincidence that tonight Obama is appearing on David Letterman? And gee…what a coincidence that for the first time in my knowledge, short of a 9/11 attack, Obama broke into a major news broadcast to show himself speaking live in California, and how adored he is.

Hey, I will take the blame, we must stop all this bickering.” he said standing tall. The applause in the room in California was overwhelming.

What a man---can I throw up now?

Here’s what Obama would have discovered had he read the magazine that he was on the front of: Billions upon billions of taxpayer money has very expediently given and with full Congressional approval (stuck somewhere in page 3,400000. of the budget book that nobody read) to;

Merrill Lynch, Goldman Sachs, AIG, Morgan Stanley, Citigroup, Well Fargo, J.P. Morgan, Bank of America…all the CEOs, like the rich men running to the first boats of the Titanic, they have been greedily filling their pockets and jumping in, pushing men, women, and children into the water.

AIG is now owned by our government, who will sell it off to the highest foreign bidder.

The CEO of AIG, Mr. Liddy, today also had plausible deniability…”I would not have given out those bonuses had I been here.” he said. Gee…and who put him in charge? Obama’s treasury department---and to make him look more honest, he is working for $1.00 a year.

That’s a nice touch, don’t you think?

His predecessor, Martin Sullivan, got to leave with a $47 million severance package for destroying AIG.

I’d leave too.

You know, I’m getting pretty tired of seeing big financial money people sit around roundtables saying, “I don’t know what happened?”

The average American sees what has happened, and they are plenty mad.

Call it what you will: slight of hand, the great Congress Federal Reserve Ponsi scheme, or just plain raping of the millions of hard working’s beyond enough criminality for a revolution: and they know it.

At least when President Bush “lied” about the war in Iraq, 17 other nations “lied” with him---Obama just found out about the AIG bonus last week, which is a lie that is so transparent that even his own children would know it.

And President Bush says Obama is doing a fine job.

And now you know. They are all in the same boat.

Put on your lifejackets.


Nobody Makes Bigger Mistakes, (Unless it's AIG)

UPDATE: Yesterday I reported, due to just reading a headline...and not understanding that Hugh Heffner had property next door to his famous mansion of sin:

That the original Playboy Mansion was up for sale!

Not so, I have been corrected. It's some house named the Holmby Hills next DOOR.

Proving once again that it's a good thing I'm not a reporter, but only a nobody full of nobody opinions.

Sorry about that...nevertherless, the rich ARE selling off properties...are they not?

Next door to Hugh...will be new neigbhors, and one thing for sure. It won't be you or me.

Thanks to Mr. Powers for correcting my error, which is why I sing to him.


Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Playboy Mansion: Up for Sale!

Nobody Cares: You know America is going down to its last capitalistic gasp when the famous Playboy mansion goes up for sale. Give Hef about 27 million, and it's yours.
I bet there is nowhere else in the world where the best kept secrets in all the world have been guarded in dire secrecy. In fact, no one knows but the ones who have been to his famous parties who did who...and that in itself is amazing.
Most of us have known a bunny or two in their lifetime, but even the bunnies were hushed, as if they were guarding Los Alamos secrets...Just think how many lives would be destroyed if any of it got out?
So, who will buy this "wonderland of sex" which probably still has famous DNA strands on the walls. Who will give the tours?
"And THIS is where BC and AIG spent eight hours one night!"
"Over here! This is where there was a wild goat bet and Nancy Pelosi WON!"
The famous "grotto" is probably so contaminated that it's got a bio-hazard virus evolving in the water right this minute...just waiting to jump out at the next owner...who will probably be...
Barney Franks.
Imagine: the famous mansion, where the quintessence of hedonistic heterosexual orgies went on almost every night of the week, being sold to a famous homosexual couple. I can't think of a better way for the new change administration to promote their plan of population control... of "having sex without fear of having babies" than selling to a gay man or woman, can you? Frankly, I will be surprised if it doesn't happen.
Maybe a Saudi King will buy it.
What about Chevez? He could move in with his buddy Sean.
And where will Hugh Hefner go? Will he retire to a penthouse in Las Vegas, like Howard Hughes? Will they stuff him in his famous housecoat, and put his body in the lobby of the Mirage when he passes to whip up some business?
Frankly, I don't know why Hef hasn't ask for a bailout. I bet if we only knew how many politicians have been seen walking around naked in his house, we could make even Bill Clinton blush. I see no reason for him to keep his silence at this moment in time...
With what he knows, he might be able to save the country!
Okay, after all the horrible news today, nobody cares about the Playboy Mansion...
and that's the whole point.
The real house of prostitution is now in Washington where you step.


Monday, March 16, 2009

Nobody's Sings on St. Patty's Day (Right.)

Nobody's Perfect: Last year, I posted an Irish song to my incommensurable friend and mentor...Mr. Doug Powers. He is a fantastically talented and witty writer that I read every day, and will till the day he decides to stop writing, or I decide to stop making a fool of myself...

Which will never happen. I will continue to make the biggest fool of myself possible--it's one of the best parts of getting older.

And I do it so very easily as you can see from this video. If you listen closely, you will hear that I'm trying to insert Doug's name into the traditional Irish song, "Mary, the Rose of Tralee" and end up imagining Doug by a fountain somewhere in Ireland, with Mary, and got so flustered at that thought...that I lost my place, and my train of thought: my Scottish hat fell off (kind of) ...and well...there you go. Irish silliness abounds even if you don't have a lick of Irish in you.

Nevertheless, one thing IS certain, I'm proof that Nobody's Perfect...but that never stopped me from singing to my very best Irish friend, nor should it you.

Everyone have a great St. Patty's Day! And if you, like me, feel an inclination to be as big a happy camper as me on this springtime St. Patty's day...then be sure to go enjoy Mr. Doug Powers--- just Google his name...and thank your lucky stars that you found him...

and also...that this nobody sings Irish songs only once a year.

Okay, maybe I sing a few at Christmas too...don't tell anybody.


Putting Up a Fence?

Nobody's Perfect: Sometimes, when you are going to put up a fence, and just don't want to bother calling your local officials to tell them where just exactly you are going to be putting that fence...because you, like most Americans, don't feel like you should have to ask permission from the government for doing something so simple...

Sometimes, you should, maybe go against that feeling of-- "they control too much of me already, and besides, what if they tell me I CAN'T put up my fence, and what IF I have to pay them hundreds of dollars for some kind of fee...well, we'll just see about that...I won't tell them!"

And that's exactly what this guy did...and...he hit a gas line. Something tells me, that fence is going to have to wait.

All I can say is: if you can't see it, it doesn't mean it isn't there. So said Tesla, Einstein, Marconi, Edison, Machiavelli, America's founders, Sigmund Freud, and God.

And yes, God sent me this picture, because I'm thinking of repairing my fence this summer.

I can't see him either, but that doesn't mean I'm not listening!


Sunday, March 15, 2009

Nobody's Opinion: Ron Silver..Say It Isn't So...

Nobody's Opinion:

I just heard about Ron Silver, passing away from us at 62, from cancer.

"Say it isn't so Joe, say it isn't so."

I also just found out, that Ron had a Master's degree in Chinese History. He might have liked this garden sculpture on display in Beijing, but really, who knew this Jewish boy had such a great education? Not many Hollywood stars can even think straight.

Who knew he was sick?

One thing you did know: He was an extremely intelligent, caring, human being with an extraordinary presence in all our lives. And yes, we took him for granted.

"Don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you've got till it's gone."

I will miss this man. Whenever he came on screen, whether as a villain or a good guy, I sat up. I listened. I looked into those great big beautiful eyes, and got scared, or marveled at his presence. He was exciting. He was so good at what he did. You believed the story, whatever it was---a true mark of a great actor.

For instance, think of any movie scene that you saw with Ron Silver in it. Now---think of any movie scene that you have seen with Brad Pitt. See what I mean?

Ron Silver was T-Bone steak-- Brad Pitt...Dairy Queen Dip-cone.

And when Ron came out like a lion after 9/11, and supported President George Bush, his education told him, that we WERE in trouble, and all his Hollywood friends were in denial..I wonder if he ever knew how much we Conservatives out here admired him?

Ron Silver stood for America...even though it cost him money...a family man with two kids mind you...millions of us were touched to the heart, by his courage.

We loved it when he spoke out. He was not a Democrat, or a Republican, he was an American. An independent man who loved his country. And who knows how much his peers vilified him?

And thank you GOD for blessing us all with his talent. So much talent. So much logic. So much heart. He was one of a kind....Ron Silver...WE won't forget you.

Ron Silver: More than just an actor, a man of truth.

God, ..such sad, sad news.

"As in a theatre, the eyes of me/After a well-graced actore leaves the stage,

Are idly bent on him that enters next,/Thinking his prattle to be tedious"

---Richard II. V. ii.