Friday, September 28, 2007

Nobody Reports

Nobody’s Opinion; I’m going to be doing something new today---an idea I’ve always wanted to experiment with; putting my Nobody Opinions in various nobody categories.

So, for the next month or so, I’ll be calling these little essays---Nobody Reports ---on Fridays, where I will review the news of the past week for a while, just to see how it goes.

I’d ask you what you think of it, but at this point in time, I’m too old to care. (Just joking) I really do care…I mean I should care…when you do this for your own pleasure instead of money, it really comes down to having fun, right?

One must be creative and try new things. I think I read that in the Kama Sutra, and the pictures really helped. If this makes no sense to you, do not worry---life doesn’t either. That’s why most people are always so #$%# up. Right? Well, okay, I’ll speak for myself.

Here goes…

Nobody’s Perfect; This week, we had a another democratic debate on MSNBC of Presidential wanna-be leaders, showing off just how imperfect a bunch of nitwits can be who have loads of money and power, and don’t give a twit about anyone but themselves.

If you feel like you’re less than perfect; be of good heart---these people make you look like perfection overloaded, or Mona Liza’s better-looking second cousin.

Hillary Clinton, who looked terrible in orange burlap before they fixed the camera, couldn’t make up her ‘hypothetical’ mind about what she would do about anything if she became President…just don’t ask her. Don’t ask her husband either. In fact, she looked insulted that she even had to be asked any questions…she was not in a good mood.

John Edwards couldn’t make up his mind about whether he had the right to be a parent, because he thought all children from birth should make all their own decisions. He shrugged his shoulders when asked if he thought it was okay to teach children in second grade all about sex, especially homosexuality---well, that’s for kids to decide he said…not looking real sure about it.

By John’s account, it should be perfectly okay if his kids decide they don’t want to live with him anymore, get hooked on cocaine, and live with that strange man down the street at the age of four.

He was also proud of being incredible wealthy…which is good, because it’s no telling how much his kids are going to cost him in legal fees.

Dennis Kucinich just couldn’t stop himself from saying, “Hi Mom,” not realizing it made most of America wonder just how often he would call up mom, to ask her how to deal with Russian President Putin, if he put a Russian flag on Alaska.

“Hey mom…what should I do?”

Bill Richardson, let’s face it, just cannot help looking like an overgrown Spanish speaking brownie who got lost running for office in Mexico.

Obama looked like he was already hoping to get Castro’s wish and become VP.

Joe Biden, smiled so much, I can’t remember a word he said because his teeth were so white.

On the Republican side, Guilianni got a lot of hard core ribbing from the press for the “phone” call he got from his wife and then announcing loudly that he was talking to the NRA…thinking he was getting two messages out for the price of one.

Just a bit too obvious there, Rudy.

And four of the top leading Republican candidates failed to appear at a debate held at a black college, which of course made them all look prejudice…given Jesse Jackson so much work, he will need to get a double just for the O'Reilly show.

On the celebrity front, Liz Taylor has met another man with money. Being married nine times in Liz’s world is never having to say you’re perfect, especially when the ninth man has a wonderful home in Hawaii!

Paris Hilton could take a few lessons from the old gal.

Nobody Knows; Why…all of a sudden, the subject is off Iraq, and on the far away country of Burma. Even though thousands of more people are being slaughtered in Africa and the Muslim nations, when Buddhist monks go on the March, even a United States President has to refocuse the nation on the much more pressing problem, of marching monks.

Is it the pretty robes? Or is this just a distraction to get our minds off Ahmadinejad visits with Chavez and universities?

Nobody knows the point…yet.

Nobody Wins: Hillary is so desperate for the black vote, she came out at a Congressional black caucus today and said she would like to give every child born in America $5,000 dollars toward a college education or a start on a new home, thereby ruining all her husband’s hard work on welfare reform. (cough)

As if we didn’t have enough people trying rushing to get into America…just wait till they hear this!

Can you say, “I’ll have fries with that Happy Meal.”?

Well, her Husband is doing the same thing with his CGI (Clinton’s Genital Initiative) spreading into all college campuses, looking for recruits for their New World Soldiers for their “giving” slaves---young kids who will “volunteer” to go all over the world and help the “poor.”

With these two carving up America, Iran won’t find much left to conquer.

Nobody Cares; Today it was reported that Tom Cruise is building a bunker, in case of an alien attack.

Hey, if I had his money, I’d build one too. If these movie stars want to show their worth they would build some bunkers for the rest of us.

I’d rather fight the aliens than have to watch the Clintons/Bush dynasty for 36 years.

Alien rule could only be an improvement, at least that's my opinion.


Thursday, September 27, 2007

Amfortas for President? Need Your Questions!

Okay...these two guys are thinking...

Amfortas for President? Well...why not?

As you all know, amfortas has been running for President for quite some time now. And as I am a strong believer that most of the nobodies in this world would make much better Presidents than what we get stuck with, I've decided to interview the knowledgeable, astute, imperturbable, enterprising, and very lovable reader of Mens news daily, amfortas, in order to get what a REAL man would do with the Presidency.


If you can think of any questions to ask amfortas about the state of the world, and what he would do if he were President, include them in the comments below, or send them to me at

Any and all questions will be considered your questions in now...hurry, Hillary is starting to act like she owns the place. I will put them in a column next week...


Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Ahmadinejad's "Purely Divine" Reasoning

Nobody’s Opinion: After listening to Ahmadinejad’s two speeches this week at Columbia University and the United Nations, it struck me that he talked quite a lot about “religion.”

Hearing Ahmadinejad talk about Moses was a bit unsettling---I wanted to say, “Hey, leave Moses out of this!” I happen to be a big fan of the Ten Commandments.

Then he started getting into the “sinners will be punished and justice will prevail” stuff.

Well, I hate to tell him this, but if he intends to spread his global Armageddon Islamic dreams of world-takeover outside of his usual hangouts, he might need to anticipate the fact that more than a few people on the earth happen to like being “sinners.”

Don’t tell me I can’t wear shorts on a hot day, Mr. Achmud---go torture someone else.

It’s a funny thing about religion. In the right hands, it can be a wonderful thing. But, as we know, Islam is really a Freddy Kruger nightmare, and more of us should be pointing that fact out. I don’t care how “peaceful” they claim it to be…making their women get permission from their husbands to go out of their house: making them cover themselves up head to toe in black in120-degrees of hot desert sun just because a dimply smile can set an Arab man into some sort of damnation denying them their rightful bed of Allah brownie points, is beyond absurd. It’s complete slavery.

And lets not even get into the cutting-off-the-hands and heads bit.

Christopher Hitchens has recently pointed out, and not without huge backlash, that Christianity has also left its horrible mark on humanity when being administered by the wrong hands.

History, we cannot deny---is full of examples. Smart and powerful men have always known that one of the surest ways to control the masses is through religious fear, and rituals.

And if you want even more control, make them fear The State as “God.”

Or get real creative and invent a global warming catastrophe, where the bishops of environmental churches demand retributions of global footprint cash.

Yesterday, I was reading John Adams and his views on the Romish clergy, and I quote:
“The most refined, sublime, extensive, and astonishing constitution of policy that ever was conceived by the mind of man was framed by the Romish clergy for the aggrandizement of their own order.”

Sound like our tax codes?

“They even persuaded mankind to believe, faithfully and undoubtedly, that God Almighty had entrusted them with the keys of heaven, whose gates they might open and close at pleasure.”

Wow…Allah Achmud.

At this point, I must tell you in all honesty that I believe there is some sort of “force” or “god” if you will. Most people do.

Whether I believe that Jesus was the son of God, or did not resurrect, or had a wife, or was just a trouble maker looking for a Divinci Code, makes no difference to me here.

What does make a difference is that by all accounts he was a pretty great guy, inspired by the spirit of “God,” and his teachings made a lot more sense than any form of Islam that I’ve seen.

Why can’t we choose sides? Why should we tolerate a religion that’s really stupid?


John Adams knew the damage of what religion can do when used by heads of state for purposes of their own; “By reducing their minds to a state of sordid ignorance and staring timidity, and by infusing into them a religious horror of letters and knowledge. In this manner, the common people were held together in herds and clans in a state of servile dependence on their lords, bound, even by the tenure of their lands, to follow them, whenever they commanded, to their wars, and in a state of total ignorance of every thing divine and human.”

Iran? Iraq? America’s public school system?

This upcoming election, it wouldn’t hurt us to remember John Adams warnings. I’ve only heard Glenn Beck discussing in length this dangerous liaison with the Masters of Islam and their belief in their God-given right to rule.

We need more.

Ahmadinejad also said that all scientists should be “pure.”

No one asked him what he meant by that…but if you go with all his “sinner” analogies, it means that the nuclear weapons he develops will be “purely” divine, and delivered by Allah to cleanse the world of sin.

I won’t even have time to put on my shorts.


Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Just Follow the Bush

Nobody’s Opinion: Well, George W. Bush, just addressed the United Nations.

If you ever saw a man who looked so completely like a puppet of some vast network of international illuminati globalists, then George W. was your man. He was so obviously not in the moment, he could have just as well have been talking about the Caesar salad he had for lunch.

And then, right afterwards, the news reporters focused right in on Iran, a country he barely mentioned in his speech…no the core of his speech was …

WE GIVE TO EVERYONE! Food! Money! Schools! Books! Medicine! What...what else do you want? We’ll send it!

Bush promised to give more money, build more schools all over the world, give all the books to fill the schools in the world, supply all the starving people in the world with the seed to grow food, then actually buy the food from them, so that they will have money to buy McDonalds, to give them energy to go out and work some more.

What a guy. Uh…excuse me…where are you going to get this money, Mr. President?

Bush left no need unturned. That virus that is coming to kill millions, don’t worry, we have already developed the vaccines, and the world will get them for free. (You and I will have to pay big bucks.)

Actually, I’ve been wondering when this “virus” is going to finally appear, and then it dawned on me---they are waiting for Hillary’s universal health care. If released now, people might actually have a better chance of surviving.

Did I say, released? Oh, sorry, I'm remembering a previous blog.

Bush also made sure to repeat the Charter of the United Nations---you know, the one that grants all humans on the planet a decent job, food, housing, and a free college education?

Yup, Bush assured the UN that the American people want to help the world…and will go into poverty doing it. That’s what good guys we are!

The only redeeming thing about his speech is that he actually looked sad reading off his “speech.”

It’s now been five minutes after his historical speech, and the news has gone on to the much more important news that sadly, the star of 24, Kiefer Sutherland, just got a DWI, and Hollywood’s most favorite dictator, Chavez, is not going to speak at the UN.

Well, why the heck should he? Ahmadinejad already has it covered.

So if we are going to be forced to feed the whole world before our own kids, I suggest we have as much fun as possible.

Hey, let’s go play tennis…before Bush promises the world our tennis rackets.


Monday, September 24, 2007

Hail to the Clothespin Chief

Nobody’s Opinion: President Hillary Rodham Clinton---Hail to the Chief.

Just saying the phrase gives me innumerable shivers. The thought of Hillary Clinton going back into the White House, after having ruled there for eight years previously, is enough to make you want to tell the scientists to forget finding new alternatives to energy, get to work on that time machine.

Many of us will want out of here.

If you want to know just what kind of president Hillary Clinton will make, instead of listening to all her deceiving pandering speeches, I suggest you do just one thing: Go take a quick look at the book, An Invitation to the White House, by Hillary Rodham Clinton. A book that is not only psychologically revealing, but almost scary in its premonitions of days to come.

As you thumb through the pictures of the book (which are many), one thing is made alarmingly clear…Hillary Clinton is in the very center of every picture, and she was at the center of every single major event in Bill Clinton’s Presidency, as if to her, Bill was an afterthought.

We saw a shade recently of Hillary’s tremendous ego in her college letters to John Peavoy (reported by the New York Times) in which she admitted, “I’d play out in the patch of sunlight that broke the density of the elms in front of our house (when she was a child) and pretend there were heavenly movie cameras watching my every move.”

Boy---did she get her wish. Besides Princess Diana, Hillary is the most photographed woman on the planet.

You don’t realized, until looking at this book, the millions of dollars and the thousands of people, paid at our expense just to create the “legacy” of the Clinton White House.

And the parties they gave! It seems there were at least two or more every single day. Tell me---How you can run a country when you’re always going to a breakfast for two thousand, putting on an expensive lunch for an ambassador and his party of forty, and then attending a million dollar-state dinner, every single day?

When do you have time to do anything else?

Hillary was a White House Queen, having the time of her life spending money for parties, while the children of America lacked air-conditioned school rooms.

Hillary, even puts examples of different White House menus in the book. Evidently, Hillary forgot the history lesson of Marie Antoinette.

Example: A first course Hors D’Oeuvres; D’Anjou Pear, Sun Dreid Cranberries, and Stilton Cheese in a Walnut Tart Shell.

To think---she ate this stuff every day…every hour. “Man is born to live,” she told John.

Well, you can’t say Hillary doesn’t know how to live like a Queen.

I thought America was formed to get away from all this royalty crap?

While we Americans were busy working our butts off, Hillary was giving, party, after party, after party, after party, after endless party.

Okay…The White House has many grand traditions, but these people took it over the top.

Who knows how much these parties cost? For instance, at the 50th celebration of NATO at the White House, they hosted 44 countries, with 44 press corps, 44 official delegations, some with up to 300 people…

Whoa…military spending is one thing...endless parties to promote your future self? dicide.

Another scary thing from the book was the fact that Hillary just loves a crescent table.

She says about it, “It was in the shape of a crescent. It seated every leader and spouse. Everyone could see each other. Everyone was united. Everyone was equal.”
I say--- beware a lady who uses dinner settings to control an agenda.

In 2000, this nobody went to Washington D.C. to visit the White House.

The White House is supposed to be free…good luck trying to get a ticket.

When I finally got to Washington, I had been rebuked at the visitor’s center.

The only way in, they said was by the “Tour.” Take one of the fifty or so white vans parked right outside the White House gates---a tour which included the Vietnam Wall, White House, and Bill and Hillary’s memorial to FDR, oh…it cost $35.00.

Forget the Lincoln Bedroom---“free” White House Tours is where the Clintons made their real bread and butter.

But I must admit, I wasn’t ready for the Clothes-pin.
There I was, heart beating with excitment...finally after having waited over two hours to get inside...

And the very first thing I saw when upon entering Hillary’s White House was not an Eagle, the symbol of our great nation but…a statue of a clothespin.

What does that mean? Women have hung up clothes for too many years? What can of feminne nonsense is that?

President Bush now is hinting that the the Commander in Clothespsin is coming back.

I suggest we all wash out.